Secret Sorrow
by Trufreak89
Summary: Everyone has a past, a life before Gwen Cooper joined Torchwood, and she’s about to find out about Owen’s.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Secret Sorrow

**Summary: **Everyone has a past, a life before Gwen Cooper joined Torchwood, and she's about to find out about Owen's.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Torchwood or anything related to the show.

**Rating: **PG-13 (Language)

**A/N:** Gwen/Owen. Angst-y one shot.

"Owen." Toshiko approaches him slowly. His expression is a concoction of remorse, anger and regret. He stands stock still, hands shoved in his pockets. His suit is soaked through and his hair is a damp mess. "It's time to go." She places her hand on his shoulder and he stiffens.

"She's not there… all that's down there is a wooden box with an empty shell." She places a hand over his heart. "She's in here." He nods but doesn't try to hide his silent tears.

"She hates being alone." He mumbles, barely audible above the pouring rain. Toshiko remains silent, watching as he kneels down and traces a hand over the cold carved stone. His fingers move along the engraving, tracing the shape of the 'G'. "I can't leave her Tosh…" And he hasn't, he's remained there, silently mourning her since the funeral, two days earlier.

"Owen, you're going to make yourself sick." She pulls him to his feet, almost ready to burst in to floods of tears herself. He's already way past sick and it it's killing her to watch him fall apart. "You need to go home, get changed out of those wet clothes, have something to eat and get some rest."

"Why?" He looks up at her with wide pleading eyes. He needs an answer, a reason to keep on going, and she can't give him one.

"For her." It's a cop-out and she knows it, but it's all she has for him. "Come on." She leads him away from the grave towards the SUV where Jack's been waiting for the last hour. Everyone takes the death of a colleague badly, but for poor Owen, it was more than losing someone he worked with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Secret Sorrow

**Summary: **The team close ranks and Gwen feels ostracized.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Torchwood or anything related to the show.

**Rating: **PG-13 (Language)

**A/N:** Gwen/Owen. Angst-y one shot.

"Oi!" Gwen shouts across the hub at one of her colleagues. Owen looks up, blatantly less than interested in what she has to say. "Where were you this morning? I almost ended up in the bloody morgue thanks to you!" Owen raises an eyebrow questioningly. "We cornered a Weevil. It got past Tosh and Jack and went for me, and I didn't have any back up because someone didn't turn up for work-"

"Oh I'm sorry!" Owen gets to his feet, his chair falling over from the sudden violent movement. "I guess I'm just the prick who fucks up and lets people die!" He storms off, leaving Gwen shocked and confused.

As she turns she finds Tosh staring at the retreating Owen, wearing a sad and distant look. "What the hell was that about?" Gwen asks, but goes silent as she realises the usually stoic Toshiko Sato is crying. Something's going on, and, as usual, the new girl is out of the loop.

"Jack…what's going on with Owen and Tosh? They both seem upset?" She stands in the doorway of his office and watches as he ignores her. He holds a picture frame in his hands, his eyes staring at it as though he believes the people in the picture are moving when he isn't looking. Knowing Jack, he probably does.

"Jack?" She speaks a little louder, catching his attention. The picture is instantly put face down on his desk and his pearly whites are flashed at her in a friendly grin. "Are you ok?"

"Fine." He answers too quickly with too much cheer in his voice for her to believe him, but she knows pushing the issue would be like trying to draw blood from a stone.

"I'm worried about the others." She continues, standing in front of his desk. "Owen and Tosh. They both seem pretty upset-" His eyes glaze over in the same distant way that Tosh and Owen's have. He tries to force a smile, but even the great Captain Jack Harkness can't fake it while he's feeling so low.

"Just leave them be, Gwen."

She's shocked by his answer, and even more so by him simply brushing her off with a wave and picking up the nearest pile of papers, feigning reading. She storms off, bumping in to Ianto as he carries Jack's coffee in to him.

"Everything alright?" He looks from Jack to Gwen and receives cold hard glares. "Guess not." He mumbles as the Welshwoman walks away mumbling about being left out. "Jack?" He hands him the coffee and leans against his desk. Glancing at the calendar beside his thigh he sighs. "Oh."

Gwen fumes as she gets her things from her desk and makes her way up to the information centre that acts as a front for Torchwood. She finds Tosh and Owen standing by the bay. She wants to go over to them, demand to know what's going on with the team, the team she's supposed to be part of now, but she doesn't. She leaves them be as Jack ordered and returns home to Rhys. Sitting watching the television, curled up next to her boyfriend, all the while wishing she could be with Owen, apologising for upsetting him and finding comfort in his arms.

She jumps as her mobile rings and 'Harper' flashes on the screen. "Hello?"

"It's me. Sorry I was a dick." Owen's voice is low and hoarse, as though he's been screaming or crying. "And next time a Weevil attacks you I'll be there…and maybe even helpful, if you're lucky."

"I'm holding you to that." She teases, her voice light and playful. She wants to shout at him and demand answers, but she knows there's no point in stirring things. "If you need to talk-"

"I don't." He snaps, his voice a little too defensive for there to be nothing wrong. "But thanks anyway." He hangs up with little more than a 'bye', leaving her with Rhys, the man she's supposed to love.

It bugs her that she has no idea what Owen is going through, and it hurts her that he isn't willing to share it with her. Their affair had started with honesty after all. Both find the other attractive, and need someone to confide in when work gets too much, they always go to one another, until now. Now he's letting Tosh in and kicking her out. She isn't going to stand by and let it happen though. Making a feeble excuse to Rhys, who isn't paying attention anyway, she finds herself on her way to the one person whom she can get the truth from.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Secret Sorrow

**Summary: **Gwen turns to Toshiko in the hope of being able to understand Owen's behaviour.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Torchwood or anything related to the show.

**Rating: **PG-13 (Language)

**A/N: **Owen/OC,Gwen/Owen. Angst-y one shot.

Tosh opens her door after the third knock and finds a soaked Gwen Cooper standing on her doorstep. Why did it always rain today? "I need to know what's wrong with Owen." She offers by way of an explanation.

"Why?" Tosh asks; her own feelings pushed aside for Owen's benefit. Gwen stands there silently, contemplating the question and the ramifications of her answer.

"I care about him too Tosh." She steps aside, letting her colleague in out of the rain.

Sitting in her living room, the tension between the pair is evident. They're not the closest of friend's but they've been trying. Making an effort. Owen still causes problems between them though. Toshiko takes it upon herself to look after him, and she doesn't appreciate Gwen's interference. Gwen doesn't understand why she's so protective of him. Owen isn't exactly pleasant to her. Tosh sighs and clears her throat. Gwen's about to learn just why Owen is the way he is. Why he pushes people away and acts like an arrogant twat most of the time.

"Today's the anniversary of a previous Torchwood member's death." She explains; her eyes glazed over in the same way as everyone's have been all day. "She and Owen were close." Gwen knows she isn't going to like what she hears but she urges the other woman to continue.

"They were engaged. Before she died Owen was…he was a different person. He wasn't a thoughtless bastard to anyone who tried to get close to him." Tosh sighs as she wanders to her fireplace and picks up a framed photo. Handing it to Gwen she carries on. "We buried her, not even Jack wanted to keep her in the Torchwood crypt. After the funeral Owen stayed by her grave…for two days straight. I had to drag him away from her. He kept saying she hated to be alone." A small smile touches her lips as memories of her fallen comrade return to her. "It's Owen who hates being alone. So now he goes out nearly every night and gets wasted. A few months later he started going with a different girl each week, just so he wouldn't be on his own long enough to remember her…until you." Gwen tears her eyes from the photo of the beautiful blonde that has her arms around Toshiko and Owen, and looks at her teammate. "You're the first person who hasn't been a one night stand since he lost her. He actually lets you in." It's impossible for her to hide her jealousy, but Toshiko also shows her understanding. She knows Gwen's been good for the friend she cares about so much. "He's probably there now. At her grave. Someone should check on him." And with those words she gives up her position as Lord Protector of Owen Harper, relinquishing her title to Gwen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Secret Sorrow

**Summary: **Owen returns to his fiancée's grave andGwen is surprised when she confronts him.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Torchwood or anything related to the show.

**Rating: **PG-13 (Language)

**A/N:** Gwen/Owen. Angst-y one shot.

Owen Harper sits on the sodden grass besides the grave of his dead fiancée. "Another year." He mutters. "Hard to believe it's been three already. Seems like just yesterday you were telling me off for leaving the toilet seat up…Gwen does that. It's not even her sodding toilet. You'd like her." Not for the first time in three years he's talking to his deceased love. He does it when he's lonely or upset. He hasn't talked to her much lately, not since Gwen came to him after their encounter with the countryside. "You've got a lot in common, she can wrap me and Jack around her finger for a start. She's bloody crap at being subtle though." He turns, a small smile gracing his features, to find Gwen standing a little in the distance behind him.

"Tosh sent me to check on you." She feels like she's been caught with her hand in the biscuit tin. He pats the ground beside him, ushering her beside him.

"She told you then?" Gwen nods, her eyes taking in the grave before her and the name on the gravestone. 'Sarah Gayle'.

"She joined Torchwood after me." Owen explains. "Me and Jack spent weeks showing off in front of her…and she chose me." Gwen shifts uncomfortably, feeling like she's intruding.

"How did she…" She trails off, not wanting to push him.

"I couldn't save her." He sighs. "Bloody brilliant doctor aren't I?" He wraps his arms around himself; it isn't because of the cold.

"She had a brain tumour, didn't tell me about it. She said she wanted to live while she still could, couldn't put up with me moping about… she was always putting other people first, just like you…I can't do this Gwen." His head meets his hands and sobs wrack his body.

"It's going to be ok." She pulls him in tight for a hug, something she's never imagined herself doing to him, and whispers soothing words in to his ear.

Finally he composes himself and sits silently with Gwen stroking his hair. "I love you." He should feel bad about admitting that by his fiancée's grave, but he knows she understands. She was his first love, but life in Torchwood is lonely, and he's sick of pretending he doesn't need anyone. Gwen sits silently stunned at the revelation. "I can't just have you in my life to fuck and then let you go back to Rhys. I need more than that. He doesn't deserve you anyway. I, on the other hand do." She smirks, his usual arrogance familiarly comforting to her.

"Be careful what you wish for." She warns. The sky opens up again and the rain beats down on them mercilessly. Standing up she offers him her hand to help him up off the damp earth. Kissing his finger he traces it over the engraving of Sarah's name, a ritual he does every time he leaves, and then takes the offered hand. Pulling Gwen in close he gets them to his car before they catch pneumonia.

"So, I don't suppose you fancy trading Rhys in for a better model?" His cheeky, trademark smirk has returned, and he looks more alive than he has in weeks. Gwen punches him playfully in the arm. Same old Owen. "Maybe in a couple of days we cold go out, catch a movie?"

"That'd be nice."

"Yeah, it would. Don't worry, it won't be cosy when we get back to the flat."

"Owen Harper I-" He cuts her off with a kiss and she forgets what she was about to say. When Owen opens his eyes he sees Sarah's grave, alone in the biting wind and pounding rain. He doesn't feel guilty though; she's not in there, and from the way his heart pounds as Gwen deepens the kiss, he knows there's room for two where she is.

End.


End file.
